Aspie social
The new Aspie social group has now been incorporated into Aspie-quiz. It basically contains the previous sexuality & relationship, activity and paranoia groups. Several issues that previously didn’t group has also been added to Aspie social.
So what exactly is Aspie social, and how does the social environment of Aspies work?
Here is one cluster:
- Partner obsessions
- Unusual sexual preferences
- Being more sexually attracted to strangers than to people one knows well
- Being asexual
- Having compulsive sexual behavior
- Being in love with more than one person at the same time
- Similar attitudes towards faithfulness as NTs
These traits seems somewhat incompatible. So, how do these traits actually go together? First, a guess of what might be included in “unusual sexual preferences” might be in order. Previous research has ruled out that unusual sexual preferences is mainly HBT (homo-, bi- and transsexuality), because these have too low relevance to be able to explain it (if they have any relevance at all). More likely unusual sexual preferences are paraphilias.
Number 1 and 7 combined seems to be typical long-term relationships. Number 2, 3 and 5 are probably “contact” behaviors, especially since they are expressed towards strangers and not towards already bonded partners. 6 seems to indicate that several partner obsessions can be present at the same time, and thus that bonding isn’t necesarily related to monogamous practises.
Here are some other social behaviors:
- Trouble with authority
- Expecting others to have the same friends and enemies as oneself
- Always wanting to be with ones partner
- A preference to find ones own niche in life and doing things oneself
- A preference to hyperfocus on things, and needing a lot of motivation to getting started with things
- A preference for animals over people
These also does not seem fully consistent at a first look, but somehow it must possible to explain why these are related.
Number 1 seems to be a preference for a non-leadership, flat organizational model. This model in fact is frequently seen in computer companies, and many Aspies seem to work in such environments, and apparantly influence the choice of organization model at these companies. Number 4,5 and 6 all indicate individualistic preferences, but how do these go together with 2 and 3? I think a good guess is that the preference is to actually be close to other people that one is bonded to, while still doing lots of things on one own. This is not as inconsistent as it might seem. This can be observed in working, long-time relationships between Aspies.
But how is asexuality from above related to all of this? Probably because as people become bonded to each others, the sexual interest declines. When the bond is developped, sex is only for reproduction. This can easily be misinterpreted as being asexual! Another thing is that asexuality has a certain relation to environmental issues, and thus can be the thing as asexuality in deprived animals in captivity.
This has some important implications for relationships:
- Unlike in typical relationships, the lack of sex in an Aspie-Aspie relationship is a good sign, and not a bad one.
- When Aspies are in relationships with neurotypicals, they need to consider the preference of neurotypicals that sex is what keeps the bond alive (or the neurotypical partner needs to understand that his/her partner is not disinterested in the relationship because of the lack of sexual interest).
- Aspies needs to have their “time-alone” while still having their partner nearby.
Finally, a few other social traits:
- Unusual eating patterns
- Unusual sleeping patterns
- Lesser motivation to stay clean
- Feelings that cycle between hopelessness and high confidence
- A highly variable activity level
- Getting depressed during winter-time
These things seems to be related to way of life in a seasonal environment with highly variable food availability.
A final warning is in order here. Not all Aspies have these social preferences, and some instead work just like any neurotypical in this regard. However, it is important to understand that some Aspies are like this, and that people can make things easier for them by accepting their preferences if possible, or explain how people usually are so they can adapt.
October 22nd, 2009 23:09
I assume that by “a preference for animals over people,” you mean as friends right? Not as sexual partners! lol!
October 22nd, 2009 23:43
No, not as sexual partners. This is another dimension of social behavior. Aspies have a preference to socialize/be friends with animals over getting to know new people. In addition to that, they form strong bonds with a few people (preferently of the opposite gender), and keep those bonds over long time-spans.
December 3rd, 2009 09:20
Any ideas why Aspies have trouble with authority? What is the problem with authority? (I mean I can guess… bosses are often hard work… but it would be interesting to know exactly why Aspie folk report this!)
December 3rd, 2009 11:57
Trouble with authority? This is because they are born to be loners, or at most part of a small group without leaders. Many will also thrive in flat organisations. When somebody takes authority, and give orders, they might get ignored althogether by Aspies that dislike authority. If they persist, conflict will arise.
The best method of bringing these children up is to do it without authoritarian methods. Yes, it is very possible to do, and it works. One can explain rules instead of requiring submitting to rules, and this method actually works so much better on these kids.
December 6th, 2009 05:26
Well, as an Aspie, I disagree with only one area, I do not tend to become depressed during winter time, as a matter of fact I enjoy the greater periods of darkness, shorter days, and cloudy days. I have somewhat of an aversion to bright sunlight, which is common among aspies. As far as trouble with authority, I believe this is related to the narcissistic tendencies we have, feeling those in positions of power are less intelligent, less well equipped than us, so we tend to regard them with some contempt. Of course these feelings are not acted upon, it’s merely an attitude we can get into. As far as preferring animals over people, most definitely so.
December 6th, 2009 05:33
Oh I also scored 165 on the quiz by the way….
December 6th, 2009 05:42
Well, last I checked this, about 1/3 of Aspies never are depressed, 1/3 are primarily depressed during winter, and the rest year-around.
December 12th, 2009 11:53
“The best method of bringing these children up is to do it without authoritarian methods”
Have you come across the Demos report on parenting style?
http://www.demos.co.uk/publications/parenting
October 14th, 2010 18:26
Wow, I agree totally with what Lee has said in post #5. I have exactly the same, aversion to bright light, so the darker and shorter winter days are not depressing for me at all. Any depression I suffer from is from my own internal over active mind.
And yes, I also can agree with Lee about people in authority, based upon my own experience.
One thing I want to ask is this, the question about being scared of the sound of a motorcycle?
I wonder if this question might be re-worded and changed to something like, Do you get alarmed or startled by the sound of a phone ringing, whether expected or not.
For me, I have an aversion to phones most of the time as I don’t get to see the other person and to take cues from other than listening.
I wasn’t surprised, more relieved with my score, aspie 155/200 and neurotypical 75/200
Paul
December 10th, 2010 15:44
@ Paul: The reason why it asks about a motor cycle, if I’m not mistaken, is because it resembles a bear roar.
May 15th, 2011 10:24
About the winter depression I must disagree with Lee and Paul, for me personally, winters are hell, I become a completely different person, it is really hard to deal with and even though I am aware of it I have not been able to stop it yet…
I am originally from sunny Portugal and hated the sun when I was there, light and heat sensitivity and all, the winters were hard but I never realised the correlation, at 17 I moved to England where the winters are much worst and after many years it clicked…
I guess this is the main problem with defining ASC, we all differ greatly from one another and this is what makes the brain and it’s different conditions so intriguing!!!
To do with the parenting factor, I was very lucky to have a mother that did not dictate but explained and enticed analysis. Even though I turned out eccentric and socially different which I have learnt to accept and love(most of the time) I managed to blend quite well… I did have too much trust in people and could (can still) be extremely naive…
What do you suggest would be important social lessons to pass on to the younger Aspie generations?
Do you have any winter depression managing tricks and techniques, for those of us that do find it hard to cope with?
This is a really wonderful website and I am very happy I have found it.
Thank you,
Ri 😀